It's a new year - but first, a holy pause

Bringing New Year's resolutions to the Lord, why the Samaritan woman was so darn excited, and why my writing here is actually for me

I’m right there with you. This time of year feels so energizing and vital - like an opportunity to start fresh.

Heck, Michael and I have plenty we’ve planned to work on in ourselves, our marriage, and our family in 2024.

But first things first - a holy pause. Time in His Heart to be seen and loved as we are, and then to ask for His thoughts on our plans.

A favorite spiritual writer of mine, Fr. Jacques Phillipe, wrote that often people’s biggest obstacles to growth is their own plan for personal holiness. There is such a wakeup call there for me, every time I come back around to that piece of wisdom. We want to take control - enough is enough! - and come up with some Big Plan all on our own. We have a fuzzy but very impressive-looking idea of what we should be. And the plan is basically to kick ourselves into gear and get holy because, well, nobody else is going to look out for us, right? Perhaps this isn’t everyone’s tendency, but self-reliance is an old nemesis for me.

I do think, though, that a lot of Christians can forget that God is in charge of their spiritual growth, that He writes straight with crooked lines, that everyone is going to have a different path to holiness. And we can forget that only God can see a soul’s true holiness. I think we Christians walk among saints that no one would ever expect, and that some of us are much, much more holy than we realize.

It takes courage to sit with the Lord and really receive and perceive His mercy. Because sometimes His mercy is such that He’s asking us to do less than we planned in that spiritual bootcamp plan we’ve made for ourselves with this or that online course or that prayer/exercise/healthy eating thing all our friends are doing. Sometimes He wants us to humbly and patiently tackle one thing at a time instead of All the Things at once. On the other hand, sometimes He’s asking us to deal with that One Thing We’ve Been Avoiding, or actually commit to that intense bootcamp experience.

Part of this holy pause before embarking on new resolutions, though, is honestly asking ourselves, and Him, if we really, really do trust Him. Because in the end, most people can’t entrust their life and the desires of their heart to an idea when the going gets hard. We have to pray for the grace to know God as a Person.

I am just a late-thirties, cradle Catholic, Louisiana-grown wife and mom. I’ve been married for 15 years through lots of sometimes-crazy ups and downs of all kinds. I stayed home for years and homeschooled but now work part-time. I don’t have a theology degree and I don’t/can’t attend Mass every day. I only recently starting praying a daily Rosary. I have six kids on earth and one sweet baby in Heaven. I lose my mind often over my messy house and dog hair everywhere and our too-busy schedule and exasperating parenting challenges. I’m relearning geometry as best I can to help my middle schoolers with their homework and we are in the middle of yet another stomach bug going through the family and I drive an old SUV and we forgot to do family prayer last night and we’re just not going to have nice things until the kids are out of the house.

I’m on the journey too, just like you. But I think I can tell you this about God from the step I’m on.

Our God loves us where we are - the good, the ugly, the complicated.

When our God looks at us, He doesn’t just see all the things we want or need to work on - He sees everything that is beautiful and good in us that we don’t or can’t see in ourselves.

He sees everything about us in one unspeakably compassionate glance, and He will never, never turn away. He will never roll His eyes at us or look down from Heaven and say to Himself, “Too bad Erin just can’t get it together. I’m gonna see how this plays out.”

I used to wonder what the Samaritan woman at the well in John 4 got so excited about. Why did she have one conversation with Jesus at the town well and then bubble over with so much joy that she “left her water jar, and went away into the city, and said to the people, ‘Come, see a man who told me all that I ever did. Can this be the Christ?’” (John 4:28-29)?

A little inspiration came to me in prayer a few nights ago when I was struggling with insomnia and was trying to use the time to pray through some things.

The Samaritan woman was so full of joy because she had encountered Someone who saw everything about her and did not look away. She had encountered Someone who saw the beautiful and the good in her, and not just the less-than-perfect of her past and present.

She had been able to rest in Someone’s presence for the first time in her life.

I realized that I’ve known that joy and peace in Him, too. I have experienced myself that in returning and rest we are saved.

Whether it’s in the early morning dark, or in your car for 15 minutes before you walk into work, or on the couch while the baby takes an afternoon nap - bring yourself before the Lord before you solidify that New Year’s resolution list. Find a few minutes of silence. Let Him look at you, and sit with that. Pray for courage to receive in trust what He wants to show you that you are doing well; what He changes He may desire for you, your family, or your marriage right now; which of your Big Plans for 2024 are on His to-do list for you and which ones aren’t; which virtues you have progressed in and which ones He wants you to work on.

And if you feel ridiculous or tempted to discouragement as you ask these questions into the air, waiting for some kind of response - you’re in holy company.

Let prayer be anticlimactic sometimes. Let it be dry. Keep going, and trust that any amount of time we spend in prayer is fruitful, though we feel it not. God will never waste our time.

He may not respond right away with warm fuzzy feelings or a clear, concise answer in your mind - but sometimes He does that for me. If you don’t hear anything, just say with an act of trust Well, Jesus, I still trust in you, and get out of your car and go into work to fulfill your duty to where He’s placed you to serve your family that day, believing He will respond somehow in His way and timing. That is a prayer in itself.

A couple of nights later, you may be up late and realize you hadn’t prayed yet today and so you’ll open your Bible to Sirach or John or Exodus and your eyes will laser focus onto exactly the verse you need to hear. Sometimes, He does that for me.

Or the very next day you may hear something life-changing or encouraging or clarifying on the daily Rosary podcast you’re loving that your friend told you about. Sometimes, He does that for Me.

Or you may hear something from your spouse that challenges or encourages you in exactly the way God knew you needed.

Be loved. Be secure in His gaze. Be encouraged that He has a wonderful plan for your life, and that you can never out-give Him. Let Him have mercy on you and perhaps, show you how to have mercy on yourself.

You know, this post was really for me, friends. It’s what I think I needed to hear this year and every year. Even as I’ve been writing this afternoon, I realized that there are a few New Year’s resolutions I still need to sit with Him about.

A fellow spiritual writer whom I have followed for years, Emily Chapman, said something profound earlier this year in a workshop she gave - something that was a Just What I Needed to Hear message from the Lord. It was this: That she had finally realized that her writing wasn’t for others - it was for her.

My writing is ultimately for me. God made me a writer because He knew it would bring me closer to Him. Writing is such an important part of how I have grown in my faith for these past 15 years since starting a blog in 2009. Even when I’ve gone long periods without writing publicly, I have a couple dozen journals and notes on my phone - hundreds of thousands of words. Writing helps me sort out my heart and capture my thoughts and bring it all to Him. That’s how He made me.

Our gifts are surely for others, but they’re also for us. He is so good.

Typing with many prayers in my fingers for each of you reading this little post. I hope you will experience His love more deeply and joyfully in 2024!